SoOooOo…

I start to fall asleept friday night a lil before 1am…. I have my phone in hand on vibrate incase the Boy should decide to call, Since I  had sent him that Previous Text message. About 1:30 i get a text back saying WHAT ??? I immediatly call him. I let him know that I found somthing That I really did not appreciate I told him i chose not to look at its contents (which was a lie) However I told him I was s cared to look at it because it would only fuel my anger and I did not want to see if it was sumone we knew (sumthing unmentionable) etc..etc… So he stayred pretty calm about it . Odd for him I mean yes he was in the company of his friends tho he walked away to converstate with me in private. I’m so used to him no matter what the subject trying to turn things around on me Which he did not this time which was nice! When i brought up the unmentionable he was like o so you are accusing me of being a (another unmetionable) Im like well you told me once before when i saw that, that the computer had a virus and just brought up those sites on accident when clicked on other sites… blah blah… So the converstation actually ended pretty quick. He came home he woke me up to eat my burrito and than saturday we were back to  normal.

Tho he was quick to please this weekend

This is just sumthing I have to dealwith if im going to stay with him forever. I have to just hope it stays to looking and never gets to be REAL.

Luv Hurts!!

” “

TFF

I have been a Vegetarian now for ab out almost 4  Months. I have ne ver felt better in my life. I wish I could go vegan !! However, I luv fashion too much I could never give up my leather boots and other items I dare to never part with.

Plus I heart CHEESE way too much.. Some of the fake stuff is pretty good however, there is no fake feta that I have seen yet and I luv me sum FETA.

I read this book called skinny bitch…. Heard of it ?? Its written by these two broads who pretty much will take you and turn you into a new healthier you. I mean they will turn you off soda so fast its unreal. I was a SODA whore now im down to a glass a day if any at all. My latest addiction…… POM Green tea.. Anything by POM then that is for me.They also have a chapter that goes in to great detail of a salughter house. Literally I was in tears the whole chapter. Its just wrong sooooo wrong. SO sad

Thanksgiving is coming up…. Meaning time for more critisim.. THere are sum in my life who could not be happier for me …. Tho my husband is still eating meat occasionally he is the one to pick me up and stop me from going bak to it when i  have my weak moments. Im thankful for that. Ive gone this far I need to continue with it. There are those who just dont understand it one bit. They call me anorexic ( hey can i help it if im born thin and they are fat cows?) There are those who need me to explain why i chose to do such a thing. Those who are totaly un-informed and tell me how im making global warming worse ! Yummm yea do your research before you start telling me my lifestlye is wrong!

Milk is Poison!

How can one be SO unaffected by death !!!

My mom died in 1999. I miss her terribly and im sure i still have sum issues with this. My moms family always treated us differently. My mom was the black sheep of the family. No-One ever agreed with how my mom raised us. We were pretty much left to do what we want always were allowed to watch inappropriate things among other  things. I had a cousin a few years younger then I. She was never allowed to spend the night with me I could only sleep over her house. They have always thought they were-better then us somehow.. I don’t know why I’m the one who has been on my own since im 18. Im healthy and not over weight like they are. Ive never asked for help ive always taken care of myself.

These people ignored my wedding  yrs ago . Did not even  have the respect to at least tell me a congrats or send a note saying they could not attend just ignored it completely. Not like we live to far apart now im in San Diego they are in la.

Anyhow after my mom passed I would always visit my grandma when I was in town I luvd this lady, she raised me off and on since i was in 4th grade. she was a very smart lady she played the piano and guitar beautifully and sang just as well. I have soooooo many good memories of  her……….. She got to a point where no-one could take care of her so my aunt sold her  house and used the money to build an additional story on her house, my grandma lived with her and I was no longer able to see her. I got to speak to her a few times over the last 4 yrs.  But often thought of her and missed her dearly.

Monday October 8th I get a email from my cousin stating that she could NOT find my phone number and that my g’ma was in the hospital and if i wanted to say goodbye I better come now she had sum kind of a systemic infection and do to her health and age there was nothing they could do so they took the feeding tube out and the iv and were moving her to a hospice until she passed… 20 mins later i get a phone call she passed away.

Upset and hurt by  not being told sooner i left work to go home. My brother’s had no idea what had happened and the sad thing is , is that one of my brothers live close by them. My rage only came more and more as I find out Sunday they all sat around with her in the hospital telling stories of times with their mother and grandmother. I am very in-raged with those people Like us or  not we  ARE their family and we should have been there to  be able to say goodbye just like them.

To top off my RAGE they are not even having a service for her. They are simply cremating her and taking her to a river they camped at as children and we are not allowed to attend that.

So here’s to Family who I guess apparently I am better without. I would never do sumthing like this to someone I care ab out. My brothers and I loved this woman very  much and now have to find our own way to say goodbye to her.

Virgina Rose  (flowers) Watson you were a great grandma and always there for me. Thanks for everything I have very found memories of you and our time together. You were an awesome person and I hope now you will be happy being with the children of your own whom you have lost. Please feel free to stop by my dreams anytime.

Give mom papa and gwenie a big hug from me